Life sucks

Let’s dance. Let’s dance in the night. On the streets. Like nobody is watching . Even if that girl with her suitcase stopped to wonder what the hell is wrong with that woman who dropped all her stuff and is dancing in the middle of the almost road?

Nothing and everything. That’s it. A lot of shit happens. And you can cry about it. Or dance. All I can think of, who has this freedom? Freedom not to give a sh#t what others think of her behaviour? She’s not harming anyone. Nobody is bothered by her spasic movements. Because nobody hears her music. But she does. She sees the rainbow. She hears her music. She hears the birds, the trees and the sea talking to her. She sees what you will never see and never hear. She’s in her world.

Last year, around this time, I was in Leiden on the platform, contemplating suicide. This year, I am in Leiden on the platform dancing, smiling, celebrating. Life. Life that sucks lately, grately. For the last two years. Bur grateful for the last two years because today it doesn’t suck. Today is good. Today I have friends by my side. Today I cheer wine to this sucky life with one of them. We celebrate missery and disappointment as well as our friendship and all we have left.

What will this bring forward. Don’t know. Today I dance. That’s it.

Past two weeks I was treated like garbage. I was made to feel ashamed for caring, I was made to feel ashamed for trying, for working, for where I am. For who I am. For what I stand for. For setting boundaries and respecting myself. But I am not weak enough to be brought down by someone else’s demonds. I forgive and move on. Because I can only count on me. That’s it. And that’s good. It will work out somehow.

I will dance now. Until feet hurt. Until I cannot move anymore. I will make you uncomfortable. Because I don’t bend. I am me. I am real. I am good. I am bad. I am me and I am not going to excuse myself for it.

Be safe. Be happy. Dance!

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