Falling in love

Falling inlove or…my favourite…falling on the concrete, plunge like a hero! Another way to put my <not so unheard of> experience…how to exfoliate “properly ” your knees while running.

I’ve been thinking how to write a blog entry about this year, as a fine-bitchy story. How this year sucked. How 2016 also sucked and how I don’t have high hopes for the near future. Also, I’ve been trying to pick which was worse between the two. And then, after an intense conversation with a friend which resulted with tears in our eyes and some hugs, we went out. Me running , her bike. But wait! The beauty of being me is that you never know what shit will hit me next. So, I start running like a good gurl I am. All of a sudden I loose control and complete feeling of my right leg and I go right with the whole hell on the floor. The only one that always catches me. The floor. Nicely done. Ripped pants and everything. What a beautiful way to start my training! I pick myself up, like I usually do, sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally. Check my legs, if they function, check how much bleeding there is and if I have bruises. Both check and confirmed. But I can still go. So we go. Running. In the night. Oh how “smart” I can be!

You know what? This is what 16 and 17 looks like right now. I fall, I get up, I keep going. And at the end of the day , I will get a glass of alcohol in me and some on my scratch. I can sit here and complain, feel sorry for myself, blame everyone and everything for my misfortune. Or I can be me, continue going, continue believing in me, having faith in God, Universe , my angel, my heart, my soul, my gut and most importantly, in love. Life sucks at times. You know it. I know it. Some people suck. Life is not fair sometimes. There’s failure and pain and misery everywhere. But that’s not what the focus should be on. I also don’t think it’s about finding something positive in everything that happens. That’s pretty much avoiding reality. I think is about embracing all of it. Smile a little, cry a little, feel, set yourself free.

I see beauty in everything. I see it in hurting and betrayal. I see it in embrace and in love. It is real and amazing. Life is wonderful. Life is sadness and joy. Life is war and peace. Life is not fair. Life will put you down. Life will lift you up. Live it. Live in the moment, because that is all we have. Without passion, we have nothing. Without passion, I am nothing.

I struggle a lot in my life. Not because I don’t think I am enough or I am insecure. On the contrary. I believe in myself so much that I am almost constantly having to fight to be me. That’s why I am a lot on my own, because I refuse to bend. I refuse to accept other way than what I believe in. I refuse to live my life according to others and that’s a lonely road at times. And that’s ok. I refuse to let others reduce me to their limitations. I refuse to comply and compromise myself just so people like me.

This year, the same person said to me both that I am hard to love and very difficult as well ast that I am a nice woman. I think that I am me. I think that I cannot satisfy his or anyone else’s expectations. That is only because I am not interested in doing so. I still <want to> believe that the right people will stay. The right people will be by my side, even when I am not at my best. Case in point, the friend I have over for NY. I think I pissed her off quite nicely already. But I also made her laugh, so fingers crossed she won’t kill me in my sleep tonight.

In any case, as long as your heart is in the right place, each year will bring falls and get-ups. How you choose to handle them is up to you. But as long as I can, have mental and physical strength, I will keep going. I will get up, dust myself up, check my legs and continue running. Bruised, hurt, bleeding and tired. I have no choice but to keep my head held high.

You might think at this point that I am pretty cool. Well, maybe I am a bit. But I’ll never be as cool as the cow delivering milk, the one from the picture, obviously.

Have a Happy New Year and may it bring exactly what you need!

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