You bitch!

Story of my life…

I go to school to study. Back then: Why did you choose X, why not Y? Now: X is easier to finish/do. Forget about my nights and days spend at home studying.

I didn’t party that much in highschool or University. Back then: what a geek. Now: What a show off/know it all. Forget about my discipline, focus and study.

I get a job as soon as I am out of school. That’s easy you went to Bucuresti. Now: You are lucky you found a job back then. Forget about the tens of interviews and hundreds of applications failed and passed (eventually!).

I move to another country. Then: You are so lucky. Now:  Again I think also just luck. Forget about the work I put in. Forget about the dedication.

I travel Then: You are so lucky. Now: Why do you show off? Why do you travel so much? Forget about the fact that I work for the money that get me in those places. Forget about the courage it takes to go alone.

I volunteer. Question: Why do you volunteer there and not here. Forget about my passions.

I am mostly healthy. Probably not because I pay attention to sleep, stress level, do regular checkups, pay attention to what I eat, drink, make sure I hydrate, do sports, listen to my body, mind and heart.

I run. This one’s funny. Depending on the person, I’d get the following: why so much, it must be unhealthy?; why so little, you can’t do more?; You didn’t run today?!; Running is boring!; Why do you pay to run marathons, you can just run without the pay? (also called in my opinion, training);  I run faster!; I run longer!; I run better; I run more often! (good for you!). Why run outside? Why run on treadmill; I was called “not a real runner” and also that my pace/speed was too slow. Thank goodness for the ones that come to my races (not that many) and for the ones that actually run with me. You crazy bastards.

I spend time alone  You are not socializing enough. It’s not ok. Why are you so secretive? Because 🙂

I pay my own consumption. Why are you being stubborn? Feminism is bullshit. Why do you need to show off? What is it with you women that want to be independent? If you want a man around you, you need to be a damsel in distress. No worries there, I will have my cats.

I don’t date. So how do you meet men? I don’t! What’s wrong with you? Probably a lot. But I’ll leave it with you.

I live in the city center. You are so lucky. I actually pay for that “luck”. And maybe one day I won’t be able to afford. You never know. But I enjoy while I still can.

I don’t pay attention nor stress about the above. You are such an asshole/bitch because you don’t care about others. You don’t listen to others. Why don’t you live your life like this, why don’t you live your life like that. This is better. That is better. Why don’t you do what I tell you to do?

Because my friend, if I make my own choices, I put my heart and mind into everything I do, I will end up having no regrets. And I’ll be happy in my independent life, in my inter dependent life. Without having expectations from the people around me. Without pushing or manipulating anyone to do things my way.

I will never be able to please you. I will never be able to satisfy all your needs. I will never be able to make you happy. I will never be able to love you like you need.

All I can do is be me. Be who I am. Try not to hurt anyone on purpose and continue to be true to myself. Selfish? You might thing that. But while you think that putting myself first is being selfish, you can continue being at everyone’s mercy, because that magical moment where everyone is happy, when everything is handled and everything is in it’s place never comes. All you and I have is the present. And the right people will be happy that I am happy. And the wrong ones, no matter what I do, they will find something wrong.

I’ll continue being who I am, in my alone, independent corner. Happy. Because my heart and soul are happy to be me. Because no matter what you do, I did things as I thought best. I did things with love and compassion. I did my very best. And that will never be enough for those who don’t love me unconditionally. And that’s ok. Because at the end of the day, all I have is today and now.

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