Sinterklaas…or one of those things/days that I want to keep alive. Back in RoRo we have Mos Nicolae wich is same as the Dutch guy, minus the controversy over Pete the black dude.

Today we celebrate a religious day, a saint, keeping alive traditions of hundreds of years. Now it is more about giving gifts to kids, making poems with family members and basically enjoying together with loved ones. At the end of the day, to quote one of my favourite poets out there (Joey from Friends) it’s all about giving and receiving,

“It is a love based on giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have . . . and receive. ” Joey Tribbiani

Enough with “cultural” stuff. Every year since I was a child, with no exceptions I would write a letter to Santa or whatever you want to call him. Because I wish for stuff. This year I will write it here, on my blog. The names are of course not real, to protect privacy. And btw, yeah, I do these things, and I sing carols and listen to them, and I have my tree and my twinkle lights and angels around me. Because Christmas is important, keeping things alive is important, keeping your heart soft is important.

Dear Mos Nicolae,

This year sucked. Big time. I don’t know if you watched all of it or partially but most of it was a complete disaster. Starting with my mental breakdown, people leaving me, having crashed emotionally so many times, I cannot even count . I was mostly alone but here and there some friends were supportive as much as they could and I couldn’t be more grateful for them. I also realised that I don’t belong with some people and that brought sadness. A lot actually. Not much good happening, I don’t enjoy my job, so I am dragging that one also. I am slowly starting to get back on my studies, but it’s not going well. Training is heavy, so is my weight. So to draw the line, since I wrote the last letter, not so many positive things. The mental illness changed me, it basically put me down to my knees, made me into nothing.

What I asked for last year, I for the life of me don’t remember but I am sure on some level you delivered. I trust you. And what you didn’t I am sure I should be grateful you didn’t, you know better.

For this year I have the following list, you know the people so I am sure you can crack the code:

1. For F. Bring him the so much needed peace. He’s telling me he’s tired. Send him some wisdom, as he has the power to conquer and change it all.

2. For M, bring her peace too, she needs it.

3. For L, strength to power through her first year of college and living on “her own”. She’s smart and beautiful, so keep away from her the nasty boys.

4. For A. Bring her some wisdom, open her eyes to see her beauty. Inside and out. Because she lies when she says she believes in herself. She doesn’t. She’s just a beautiful wounded soul, she needs hugs and love. I’ll give her some when she gets here.

5. To Li. She needs some courage, to fight for herself. To stand up and work hard, so maybe some power and ambition would do her good.

6. To R. Well, she needs to know she’s loved the way she is. I tell her sometimes but maybe you can give her some confidence too.

7. To Lu. Cause I have three Ls. This one, give her some financial peace of mind, because seriously wtf. Also, maybe the courage to look into her heart a little deeper?

8. To C, a beautiful wedding for next year. Preferably not May, but whatever it is, as long as she’s happy, I’ll be there.

9. For the three babies born this year, bring them lots of health and big smiles.

10. To the kitties at the shelter, adoptive parents.

This is my list of this year. If all goes “survivish” , I’ll write another one next year.

In the meantime, as it is all about giving and receiving, please reiceve my big thank you for all you have given me and the rest of the children you keep an eye on. And good luck delivering all those presents!

With lots of love,


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