The Dark side of the Inner child by Stephen Wolinsky

I found myself having a conversation with my psychologist in which she introduced me to a new (for me) concept, quantum psychology. I find the approach interesting and somehow freeing. First of all, it doesn’t promise that you will feel better nor worse. It doesn’t promote that you will make groundbreaking discoveries about yourself or others. That’s the first thing that takes some pressure off. I heard people having difficulties with for example meditation, as they “were supposed ” to be or feel somewhere/something specific and because they didn’t, they were frustrated. The second thing is that we created this “inner child” and it is is not about fixing him or healing, it’s about self awareness. Observation. It is stretched a lot in the entire book(s) the idea of pulling yourself out of the emotions and back in, as to separate yourself from what is happening and to be able to consciously be in the present.

Of course all these psychology theories have a lot of common paths and approaches, they are interdependent and either overlap or disagree with eachother, sometimes complementing ideas. But the more you read, the more you understand and find your own truth.

To familiarise you a bit about Wolinsky’s work, I will talk a bit about two chapters or better said approaches. Of course it is not limited to that so I encourage you to start reading. Maybe start with something lighter, this one is a bit heavy read.

“Life is what happens to you, while you’re busy making other plans” John Lennon.

Stephen explains how we can experience projecting , basically leaving in the future. It can be planning, imagining a catastrophe or something pleasant, depending on the situation and our past. To be able to identify which kind we are experiencing , he came up with 5 types which I will shortly explain:

  • Catastrophizing

This one is rather obvious. We project a negative outcome. It is usually causing anxiety and it is caused by trauma as we assume that the pain that happened in the past will repeat in the future. We most likely experience while projecting, hence the anxiety.

  • Fantasizing

The child imagines a pleasant outcome. The issue here is when the person gets stuck in this image, waiting for that moment when all problems will be taken care off. It is unrealistic and therefore it blocks people from action and from experiencing “now”.

  • Planning

It happens when the child imagines a moment in time when he will be able to tell his parents how he really feels and the parents understand and admit they were wrong. Or the child gets even with them.

  • Explaining

The child will plan a justification, as he already knows he will be punished. In this case, there will always be a justification for actions, reactions and emotions.

  • Fallacy of Fairness

Is refers to conditional assumptions. “If he loved me, de’d do…If he cared, he’d …”. It is a way of tempting to see how things would change if people were fair or valued you.

The other chapter I wanted to shortly explain is the inner dialogue . We all have it. Whenever we talk to “ourselves “ we are actually creating it based on series of interactions from childhood . It is the observer taking the voices of our parents or teachers and placing them in our head. This way we reiceve a guidance on how we should behave. The problem with these voices is that they become part of a person’s belief system. We can loose ourselves, either by listening or doing the opposite (in spite of).

If I raised your interest in this book, I advise you to first get a bit more familiar with concepts like transactional analysis (child, parent, adult) , enneagram, logotherapy and psychoanalysis, otherwise you won’t get the benefits. Not to mention, take your time in processesing the information.

Happy reading and good luck with mindfulness and self awareness, my dear friend.

All of the above is my personal interpretation, as per my own reading and personal experience, nothing more.

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